In college I became good friends with another football player
from Long Island named Richie.
Richie’s parents were from Trinidad, a small “Wess Indy-ahn”
island country in the Caribbean.
Since he and I were both raised in neo-traditional, West Indian
families, we had a lot of jokes and experiences in common.
Richie and I would often laugh about how our parents would
host huge parties where they blasted Soca or Reggae music.
At these parties, that would sometimes go on for 2-3 days, all
of the adults would spend hours dancing, laughing and
The children would run wild in the neighborhood playing games
or holding our own little “mock adult parties” where we would
sometimes do the things we saw them doing.
There was always lots of excitement! The atmosphere was
filled with happy sounds, delicious scents and vibrant
I was very young but I remember my mother and her sisters
dancing with each other in a very provocative manner. There
was no shame in their celebration of sexuality.
After the song they would all let out a vibrant belly laugh that
caused their entire bodies to pulsate and explode, often bringing
tears to their eyes.
Then they would sigh out loud, then go back to cooking food
and drinking punch.
Today I am probably about the same age that my parents were
when they used to host these “orgastic” parties.
But our parties are very, very different.
Mostly, our parties look like a cadre of half-interested, slightly
awkward, tightly-wound bodies holding cups of beer while trying
to engage in superficial conversation.
Occasionally a few of the women will form a circle and attempt
to dance by swinging their stiff hips from side to side.
If the excitement builds and the men decide to join, they’ll
contribute a series of awkward hip thrusts towards their woman’s
rear end that looks as if they are stabbing their woman in the ass with
This scene is very different from the vibrant energy and fluid
pulsation I observed oozing from the bodies of my parents,
aunts and uncles, at their sweaty, orgasmic celebrations.
What is the difference between two cultures, that allows one group
to express such fluid and beautiful elation though the vibration of
their bodies… and another, to become so tightly wound that to
dance requires the same effort as fixing a flat tire?
One culture, the one I live in, is focused on building intelligence in
While the other trusts and ALLOWS the intelligence of the body to
In the United States and most “civilized” cultures there is a split
between the brain in the head and the brain in the body.
We have become so detached from our bodies that many scoff at the
idea that there is even a “brain” in it.
Most people point to their head when asked where their brain is, but
never consider that over 90% of the activities that they are currently
engaged, is being carried through by their subconscious mind.
The subconscious is the master of our Autonomic Nervous System.
This is the branch of the Peripheral Nervous System that is responsible
for doing all of the things that we don’t think about.
Things like the beating of your heart, the moving of feces though
your colon, and your sympathetic response to stress is governed by the
According to many experts, as well a ancient martial arts tradition, the
seat of the subconscious mind lies within the body itself (which is evident
by it’s control of the body via the ANS).
Just like we point to the brain to symbolize “brain thinking”, pointing to
the heart or belly would symbolize “body thinking”.
In a way we all know this is true… if you ask someone to point to where
their “self” is, they will most likely point to their chest or belly.
When you were a child you allowed full control of your body to the
ANS. When you took your first “suckle” of milk from your mothers
breast, it was the intelligence of your subconscious via the ANS that
“told you” how to suckle.
When you had to poop, the sphincters of your anus would simply
open and poop came out.
Then as you grew older, and with the help of your parents, you began
to develop your ego, which is governed by the “conscious mind”.
This was good because it gave you the ability to delay feeding until
a more appropriate time (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and control the
muscles of your anus to poop when and where it was appropriate.
But it didn’t stop there! The chasm between the intelligence of your
body and the ego control of the head-brain continued to grow… until
they began to seem like two separate entities.
(I’ve got some theories about WHY we’ve been conditioned in this way, but
I’ll leave that rant for another day!)
Now many of us have become so far removed from the brilliance of
our bodies that we can’t even dance!
What should be a normal bodily expression of grace and sexuality, governed
by the ever-amazing subconscious mind, requires a considerable conscious
effort from the head-brain.
Our bodies have become so rigid with ego control and constraints
that e-motions such as sadness and joy, which would would normally
evoke sobbing or laughter, aren’t even available to us.
What a sad state of affairs when mankind has been so conditioned that
we literally and figuratively enjoy only a shallow dose of laughter, dance
or joy in our lives!
The answer is to LET GO.
Learning how to break the physical shackles of chronic muscular
tension, from our assholes to our eyebrows, will allow the room needed
in our vessel for the expression of the vitality trapped inside all of us.
Here is your challenge for the next few days….
I don’t mean go get drunk and engage in that dick stabbing move or
the awkward butt shaking I mentioned before.
I mean turn on some soca or reggae music (or whatever)… then sway,
twist, wave and feel your body.
Shake out all of the tension trapped in your ass, your belly, your shoulders,
your neck, your legs, your arms and your face… let is all go loose!
Rub your hands all over your body like you’re making love to yourself; massage
your face, your belly and even your sex organs if the desire arises.
At first this may feel weird, but what is weird about bringing awareness
and love to the parts of you that beat, digest, pulsate and vibrate to
keep you alive and sensitive… without your thinking about it?!?!
** If you’re feeling brave, record yourself dancing and if you want to share it
with us, post the video below (no pressure).
Also, you might write about it in a journal and if you want to share that with us
also, post it below (no pressure) **
With Love and Strength,